Something people often say to me is… I heard you on the radio the other day.” They never qualify it with ”...and you were great!” or ”...and the medium will never be the same, you’re genuinely brilliant, your are!”; they just wish to inform me that at one point in time I was involved in broadcasting a programme and they became aware of that process.
My biggest fear… is being eaten alive by a pack of komodo dragons. Seriously. That isn’t a zany, off-the-wall response; I watched a documentary about them once and it truly terrified me. They’re like anacondas with legs. They’re like dinosaurs without the charm of being dead.
Of course, I’ve also got your classic fears: failure, loneliness, death, the thought of living a meaningless existence, etc. But you know; you move on.
I often forget… people’s birthdays. I’m properly shit at it. No matter how close you may be to me – brothers, mothers, boyfriends – chances are your birthday has been scrawled on my wall calendar (which I rarely check) and promptly forgotten about. I mean, whatever, get over it, shut up and stuff. And don’t worry; I still manage to have the gall to be offended when people forgot mine (November 26th).
God I’m good.
Whatever the circumstances, I always make time… to spill something on my pants. It’s really important to me.
I wish I could understand… the attraction of tattoos. Even if you get a nice tattoo like a butterfly, you still have it done by having an obese, hirsute chain-smoker burn it into your skin with a laser. I find it offensive.
Thanks to Tom Ballard