It’s a Saturday night. 4 days before my 21st birthday. So why am I sitting in between my parents on the couch at home in Seville watching ‘Australia’s funniest home video show’? I’m a young, reasonably attractive, friendly girl. Why aren’t I out partying with my friends? Or picking up hookers on Grey Street? Or throwing pickles from my McDonalds cheeseburger at homeless men outside Flinders Street Station? Well, the reality is I can’t afford to leave the house tonight. I have $7.20 in my bank account to last me ‘til Tuesday until my Youth Allowance payment comes in.
Growing up I had a string of occupations I was going to achieve. When I was 6yrs old I was going to be a horse dentist (don’t ask). When I was 7- a vet. When I was 8- an author, 9- Macaulay Culkin’s girlfriend. Over the years I was going to be an actress, a policewoman, a dietician, an events co-coordinator, a teacher, a journalist and a singer. So you can imagine my parents surprise after seeing Arj Barker at the Melbourne Comedy Festival one night I announced that I was going to become a comedian.
Mum was excited at first. Wow! Her only daughter was going to do stand up comedy! Then as the months progressed and turned into a year then 2 years, it became apparent that Mrs. Bice’s only daughter was in this for the long haul. And for anyone in the industry, you will understand that “the long haul” in comedy is years of unpaid 5-10 minute spots in unknown, underground venues consisting of 8 audience members including the other comics on the bill. Why do we do this? Because we love to do it, and as crazy as it sounds we are grateful for the stage time.
When I finished High School a lot of my friends went on to Tafe or University to fulfill their dreams of gaining a great, well paid career in their chosen field of interest. After year 12 I went straight into full time work doing a traineeship and began doing ‘open mic’ spots at comedy venues around Melbourne. For anyone serious about doing comedy I see this ‘open mic’ stage in a comic’s career as a traineeship. You get shit wages for a few years, but at the end of the day the most valuable outcome is the experience and the amount of skills you build along the way. Like any industry, it is really tough if you want to go far and be one of the best in your field. For anyone who knows me I can be very cynical and skeptical, but if there’s one thing I believe it is if you work hard, your heart is in it, you persist and continue to build skills, you can be whatever you want to be.
Now, I’m not saying if you want to do something as challenging as make a full time career out of comedy that you shouldn’t have a back up plan. Of course you should. For example; I have a business administration qualification and retail experience. That means if I want to, I can work in an outbound call centre for K-Mart! Trust me. K-Mart might “cut the cost of living” but when you work there it also “cuts your quality of living”. I used that line in my first gig ever. 2 years on it still comes back to haunt me.
So the next time someone questions me, “What are you doing with your life, Alison?” I can answer honestly. I am doing what makes me happy. I am aspiring to do great things in an industry that I’m passionate about. Sure, it’s not going to be easy and there will be plenty of tears before bedtime. But there’s no other job in the world where you get paid to travel alongside other amazingly talented people and perform on stage to a willing audience and make them uproar with laughter. Even if I don’t make it to the big time, I hope when I get to 70 I can still say “I may only have $7.20 in my bank account but at least I’ve stayed true to myself by doing what I love best… making people laugh.” Even if it is because I’m still working behind the lay by counter at K-Mart.
For more about this comic go to Alison Bice