Helen Thorn
My biggest regret is… That I had ‘Bros’ shaved into the back of my head – alas both band and severe undercut hairstyle proved to be tragedies of the late 1980’s… and wetting my pants in my first ballet class… oh the shame…there really is nothing worse than splashing about in your own wee…
My motto is… Quantity over quality.
I haven’t got time for… Complicated men, organic food, garnishes, exfoliant, matching accessories, skinny sales assistance who prefer dancing about like gits instead of actually having a purpose on this earth and irritating rashes in hard reach places.
If I were a fish, I would be… Covered in batter, dipped in tartare sauce and served with limp chips in a dodgy pub.
I wish I had… A spare liver, John Cusack’s phone number, feet that never got smelly, and a packet of never-ending cigarettes.